The first aspect of parenting I would like to mention is responsiveness. Responding immediately to your child in a nurturing way promotes trust, security, and confidence in the child. “Research has shown that a mother’s ability to attune, regulate, and appropriately respond to an infant has significant relational and developmental implications” (Snyder, Shapiro & Treleaven, 2012, p. 709). When parents show continual immediate responsiveness to their child’s needs as they grow and develop, they foster a secure attachment throughout the child’s lifetime. It is important that the parent realize the different developmental stages of the child and adjust their responsiveness to ensure the child feels their needs are met. The child must feel that the parent is aware of their needs and responding appropriately.
Support is the next aspect of parenting I feel is extremely important. Families that are supportive tend to have children with higher levels of self-esteem, which helps the children have a more positive and optimistic outlook on life. When children with high self-esteem are not successful at a certain academic, athletic, or social situation they recognize that they are still a person of value and worth. They are better able to learn from the negative experience and see that they can use it to help them continue forward and upward in the positive direction rather than letting the experience beat them down. This may be a very hard concept for the child on the spectrum to understand because of their rigid, no gray, only black and white way of viewing the world. Social situations also prove to be hard to navigate. Support is an important aspect of parenting for increasing the autistic child’s self-esteem.
Parents that encourage their children to be active participants in the decision making process encourage good problem solving skills. This is not to say that children have the final say in the decision made, but they are encouraged to voice their opinions and feel that they are an important, valued member of the family unit. This type of interaction helps to foster independent thinking and teaches children to “engage in thoughtful and responsible behavior” (Heath, 2013, p. 30) which encourages them to be better team players with their peers. This successful team playing continues from childhood into adulthood and enables them to be able to problem solve with a diverse group of individuals as they mature. Another way children learn to problem solve is through sibling relationships. Parent’s response to their children’s squabbles with each other shape the children’s ability to resolve conflict. Most of the time siblings’ relationships are positive. Even when siblings do occasionally disagree, they tend to still remain near each other and continue to interact in a positive manner after the conflict subsides. It is important that parents appropriately evaluate when to intervene and when to stay out of the squabble. Too much negative intervention dampens the siblings’ ability to problem solve on their own. Some intervention when appropriate can help the siblings recognize how their actions are affecting others and teach them moral reasoning skills. This is something that is extremely hard for the autistic child to comprehend and will require a lot of patience as the parents help them learn.
Understanding that each child has unique interests and helping them to achieve success within those interests helps the child recognize and develop their talents. A positive way to enhance a child’s academic achievement and self-esteem is encouraging participation in extracurricular activities. A child that feels successful in one area will be better able to manage successfully with the areas that may be more difficult for them. Parenting is an opportunity to encourage children to discover who they really are, what their strengths and talents might be, and guide them as they learn and grow. The choices that parents make as they interact with their children reflect how they feel about their children as individuals and influences the choices they make. Children learn by interacting with their parents. The authors of an article “Attachment Theory and Mindfulness”, share an example of a stressful situation very familiar to parents and then suggests a positive way to handle the situation. The article tells of a mother who becomes frustrated because her child is making multiple attempts to get her attention while she is trying to finish a task. She recognizes she is irritated and chooses to take a moment before she responds to her child. This type of mindfulness, will allow the mother to pause, recognize her frustration, how it is affecting her, and her train of thought. She then can see the stressful situation as an opportunity to choose “the high road.” If the mother can pause before she reacts, she might be able to feel compassion for her child and realize the child is ultimately looking for connection and contact (Snyder et al., 2012, p. 713). This type of self awareness demonstrates love and caring to the child and will help to further the secure attachment of the child as well as help the mother become better acquainted with herself through the process. This is a good way to be a positive example for the child. Showing children a positive way to handle stressful situations will help them learn to be kind, caring and more sensitive. These attributes will serve all children well as they mature and spend increasingly more time with their peers and coworkers.
When children are made to feel loved, valued, and of worth as an individual, as well as an important member of the family, they will have brighter happier outcomes.
Yes, Parenting Matters!
~Korin
Heath, P. (2013). Parent-child relationships: Context, research, and application. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.
Snyder, R., Shapiro, S., & Treleaven, D. (2012). Attachment theory and mindfulness. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 21(5), 709-717.
